Body image stuff
I was just realizing that I think it’s fair to say that I’m in the most healthy, best shape I’ve ever been in, at least since puberty (I was an active, healthy kid, but that’s not really the same since I didn’t choose all my food, etc).
I’ve been skinnier for sure, and I’ve even been in “better shape” in a purely physical sense before, but that always involved some measure of eating quite small amounts (my apetite is fairly small, and it tends to adapt to how I’m eating, but it was probably still not the best) or short-term, intense exercise. It wasn’t entirely healthy, and it wasn’t sustainable. Even when I was eating less, it wasn’t necessarily healthy food, and I wasn’t exercising at all. And when I worked out a ton last summer for a short period of time, I couldn’t keep up with the regime over the long term.
This is different. I’ve been eating healthy stuff — lots of vegetables, more fruit, relying less on meat-substitutes, etc. I credit England for this at least a little — food seems much less processed & much more fresh/natural here than in the US. I’ve also been going to the gym 1-3, maybe 4 times a week, taking classes I enjoy (including boxing-related ones that make me feel strong!) but not feeling too guilty if I skip going & cancel sometimes.
And I just… I’m kind of proud of myself. I’ve always been pretty thin — I had a crazy metabolism when I was younger & its still pretty fast, but I’ve definitely been putting a lot of pressure on myself to stay thin since it slowed down around the time I was 14. I know I shouldn’t care so much, I know society plays a huge role in this, but I can’t help but feel like it’s part of my identity. But this just feels different. I don’t feel so stressed about it. It’s more feeding myself good things, being active & strong, feeling good. I’m not saying this has to be everyone’s ideal body-lifestyle, but it feels good as mine, and it’s nice.