I love your blog and read your new posts often. I'm feeling rather down in the dumps and need some positivity sent my way. You seem to have an abundance. Share your secrets!! Pretty please with sugar on top.
Thank you! I hope you feel better! I’m not sure I have happy secrets, but if I did, they’d be these:
Don’t sit around alone. Find friends and/or go outside. If that’s not possible: whatever you do, don’t listen to sad music. Everyone needs a happy song — put on yours. Never underestimate the joy that dancing around the room can bring. Think about all the good and amazing things in the world. Do something productive — if you can’t be blissful, you can at least be informed or fit or have your work all done.
I’m serious about that getting out of the house thing. It’s probably my #1. When you’re in a funk you sometimes just have to physically get away from it.
And make happy lists when you’re happy. And look at them when you’re sad.
Lastly, I always remember that time keeps going and things change and good things come sooner than you think. I always remember the times I felt so bad and then… didn’t. It can happen again. It will.
I’d say hello to vodka. I’d wave, and smile with teeth.
I’d totally make out with gin… tonic and lime everywhere.
But bourbon. I’d marry bourbon… as long as bourbon understands that I often stay up until 3 am writing silly blog posts, with a scarf on my head, a shaky leg, and post-it notes everywhere. But I have a feeling that bourbon understands me. I’m not too worried.
“Telling boys and men that they shouldn’t drink regular diet drinks because they’re effeminate, but should instead drink “manly” things like Dr. Pepper Ten and Coke Zero and Pepsi Max, is telling them that there’s a right way to be male and it doesn’t involve anything feminine. That, in turn, tells them that female is less, female is bad, and female is worthy of ridicule. If men and boys are surrounded by ad campaigns that reinforce these ideas, don’t you think they’ll probably think women are less, and bad, and worthy of ridicule?”—
how many people have you said I love you to?
how many times have you appeared in court?
how many STDs do you currently have? (cured STDs may be expunged from your record)
how many children do you have?
how many orgasms can you give me in an hour?
how many dollars are you willing to spend on seamless web at 4 am?
how many drinks have you had tonight?
how many fingers am I holding up?
how many subway transfers is your apartment from here?
Numbers that don’t matter to me and shouldn’t matter to anyone else:
how many people have you had sex with
Who cares. As long as your partner is clean and faithful, does it matter? No one ever asks that question because they want a thoughtful insight to your personality, they’re asking so they can judge you in the high court of superiority.
today breakfast toast courage extra effort always making a difference organizing time huge sandwiches a white Christmas a bring-your-own-dish party self-acceptance rejoicing in time alone to catch up taking advantage of all the opportunities to keep your mouth shut getting a really good haircut hotel rooms with kitchenettes honeymoon spots parks fortune cookies a smile you wear all over intelligence and maturity blackboards listing specials of the day kitchen shelves nicknames getting a puppy hour-long telephone calls giving your least favorite food another chance planning a trip granola cereals a beautiful state of mind microwave ovens open-mindedness sleep quiet libraries
Get stuck. Stay in one place your whole life. Always order vanilla even though the menu is four pages long. Become the type of person who sends back lattes. Save up your money for a plasma TV instead of a plane ticket. Talk a lot about things you know nothing about. Have an affair with someone you don’t even find attractive.
Refuse to forget your ex. Make it impossible for yourself to do anything without remembering that you used to do it with them. Hug your knees under the sheets and think about how safe you felt when they held you at night. Remind yourself daily of how empty you feel. Find new ways to make yourself sad.
Get drunk all the time. Consider no Saturday night, national holiday or extended happy hour complete without a vodka-induced breakdown. Graduate college but keep drinking like you’re still in it. Notice that cheap beer tastes watery and stale when you drink it alone but drink it anyway. Look at old Facebook photos wasted and wonder where everyone went.
Never drink. Never do anything that could potentially be “bad” for you. Treat your body like the temple it is and say no to carbs, yes to wheatgrass, go to bed at ten sharp and turn down cake on your birthday. Take fifteen different dietary supplements. Monitor carefully. Succumb to nothing. Miss out on everything.
Compare yourself constantly, to everyone. Allow the standards of image-obsessed, age-obsessed culture to make you feel decrepit at 25. Scroll through skinny girls on Tumblr feeling wistful and inadequate. Pull at the skin on your hipbones, stomach, and underarms in the mirror. Sigh a lot. Sigh all the time.
Don’t fall in love with anyone or anything. Put an impenetrable wall between yourself and other people. Add a fire-breathing dragon and eight yards of barbed wire. Be suspicious of everyone’s motives. Hold grudges long after you’ve forgotten what for.
Fall in love with everyone and everything. Run after the next best thing like it’s a bus you’re perpetually late for. Throw your heart into every other stranger’s hands and be genuinely surprised to be hurt. Refuse to learn. Refuse to ever learn.
“Never blame someone for not loving you the way you want to be loved, as these imperfect relationships teach us to seek out loving ourselves in a way we would have never otherwise discovered. We have to feel the frustration and desperation of longing long enough to drive us to look for every source of love outside of ourselves until we have no choice but to begin to look inward. It is only then that we can begin to do the real work of healing. So be grateful for those who have broken your heart as they have planted a sign post in your aching for you to turn towards the only true source of love there ever was, and ever will be. You, and your own incredible heart.”—